sekalaista
Minä etsin sinua aina
Ja tulen etsimään.
Suon sinulle aikasi ja taivaasi
jota seuraat kuin elämää
Minä seuraan sinua.
Kuljet poikki niittyjen ja muistat rakastaa
mättäitä ja rastaita
kiviä raskaita
muttet minua.
Minä astun jäljessäsi mättäällä
johon jalkasi on painanut kartan
Jospa se paljastaa, salaisuuden:
minne olet matkalla.
Minä kysyn metsältä
joka johdattaa:
mitä kuiskaat kultani korvaan
kun tuuli suhisee hiljaa
Humisee, hiljaa
Minä mietin mitä antaa aava kallio
tai mustikanvarvut jotka rinnettä peittää
miten viettelee kostea maa mielen
tuoksuvat kielot sielun
Pysähdyn rantaan
istun päälle kaatuneen tammen
lähes maaten
katson taivaanrantaan
pidän tauon
ja huokaisen syvään
Minä ymmärrän.
Tuuli leppeä keinuttaa
merta ja hiuskiehkuraa
lintu kerää tarvikkeita
ja tekee pesän sydämeen.
Lepään pitkän hetken ja täytyn
siitä mitä sanot kodiksi
rakkaudeksi
Sitten nousen
ja käännyn
yhä omaksesi
Ja tulen etsimään.
Suon sinulle aikasi ja taivaasi
jota seuraat kuin elämää
Minä seuraan sinua.
Kuljet poikki niittyjen ja muistat rakastaa
mättäitä ja rastaita
kiviä raskaita
muttet minua.
Minä astun jäljessäsi mättäällä
johon jalkasi on painanut kartan
Jospa se paljastaa, salaisuuden:
minne olet matkalla.
Minä kysyn metsältä
joka johdattaa:
mitä kuiskaat kultani korvaan
kun tuuli suhisee hiljaa
Humisee, hiljaa
Minä mietin mitä antaa aava kallio
tai mustikanvarvut jotka rinnettä peittää
miten viettelee kostea maa mielen
tuoksuvat kielot sielun
Pysähdyn rantaan
istun päälle kaatuneen tammen
lähes maaten
katson taivaanrantaan
pidän tauon
ja huokaisen syvään
Minä ymmärrän.
Tuuli leppeä keinuttaa
merta ja hiuskiehkuraa
lintu kerää tarvikkeita
ja tekee pesän sydämeen.
Lepään pitkän hetken ja täytyn
siitä mitä sanot kodiksi
rakkaudeksi
Sitten nousen
ja käännyn
yhä omaksesi
Koputa puuta kolmesti
ja pysy ihan hiljaa
Laske, syvään hengitä
Sisään
Ulos
Ajatukset jotka vaivaa
itselleen jo hautaa kaivaa
Unohtuu ja tomuttuu
ajatuksiks’ jää
ja pysy ihan hiljaa
Laske, syvään hengitä
Sisään
Ulos
Ajatukset jotka vaivaa
itselleen jo hautaa kaivaa
Unohtuu ja tomuttuu
ajatuksiks’ jää
En ollut humalassa
kun sanoin kaikki ne sanat.
Olin selvempänä kuin koskaan
kirkkaampana kuin vanat
jotka valuvat poskiasi pitkin
kun sanoin kaikki ne sanat.
Olin selvempänä kuin koskaan
kirkkaampana kuin vanat
jotka valuvat poskiasi pitkin
Huoli kurkkua kuristaa
pientä rintaa puristaa
Auta, nalle, unilelu
Unelma tuo haaveiltu
Lapsi painaa päänsä
Ääntä päästämättä
Ääretön rauha laskeutuu,
Unen maahan havahtuu
Mut viel’ tällä puolen ääriviivaa
Ahdingosta haalenevaa
Arkaa päätä lapsiparan
Narraa muistot valveajan
Huomaamatta unohtaa
Näinkö kaikki katoaa?
pientä rintaa puristaa
Auta, nalle, unilelu
Unelma tuo haaveiltu
Lapsi painaa päänsä
Ääntä päästämättä
Ääretön rauha laskeutuu,
Unen maahan havahtuu
Mut viel’ tällä puolen ääriviivaa
Ahdingosta haalenevaa
Arkaa päätä lapsiparan
Narraa muistot valveajan
Huomaamatta unohtaa
Näinkö kaikki katoaa?
The machine whirs in the room making her feel at home
something’s happening, something soft
something intended, she feels safe.
She misses her mother.
There are flowers drooping by the table
Cut again, given new water
still they droop, even harder
like a rebellion, like grief.
Memories of times past line the wall.
The photograph stares her down
reminding. There are times when
solitude wears harder than.
something’s happening, something soft
something intended, she feels safe.
She misses her mother.
There are flowers drooping by the table
Cut again, given new water
still they droop, even harder
like a rebellion, like grief.
Memories of times past line the wall.
The photograph stares her down
reminding. There are times when
solitude wears harder than.
1
Past my prime, twenty one
blink and you’re older than
wasn't that day yesterday?
half of life is wasted away
I wonder
whether there’ll ever be
a moment to catch
a moment to breathe
sun is up and then it’s down
at what time did my hair
go brown?
it’s been a minute
it’s been a day
it’s been school walks
and a rough gateway
to adulthood
something by that name
I wonder
whether i’ll always chase
that twenty one, magical age
mythical age, mythical creature
beautiful, aren’t you?
except i blinked i blinked i blinked
2
two years! two years have gone by
i’ve lived in this flat for— i’m petrified
tired of finding new ways to cry
don't let looking at the mirror be
the reason why
3
paint my face with fluorescent dye
my eyes for cat’s eyes, what they symbolize
when my skin will look like apple pie
hard to look at like the dobson fly
you see the picture's gone awry
simply perceived or crucified
paint my face with fluorescent dye.
make me a peacock butterfly
instead of a woman past her prime
Past my prime, twenty one
blink and you’re older than
wasn't that day yesterday?
half of life is wasted away
I wonder
whether there’ll ever be
a moment to catch
a moment to breathe
sun is up and then it’s down
at what time did my hair
go brown?
it’s been a minute
it’s been a day
it’s been school walks
and a rough gateway
to adulthood
something by that name
I wonder
whether i’ll always chase
that twenty one, magical age
mythical age, mythical creature
beautiful, aren’t you?
except i blinked i blinked i blinked
2
two years! two years have gone by
i’ve lived in this flat for— i’m petrified
tired of finding new ways to cry
don't let looking at the mirror be
the reason why
3
paint my face with fluorescent dye
my eyes for cat’s eyes, what they symbolize
when my skin will look like apple pie
hard to look at like the dobson fly
you see the picture's gone awry
simply perceived or crucified
paint my face with fluorescent dye.
make me a peacock butterfly
instead of a woman past her prime
You have been left alone
For the first time
In your life.
You have flitted from women to women
Mother
Wife
Wife
Wife
Like a a butterfly.
Now shells of sugarworms line the edges
Of the rooms you live in.
All sad songs bring the salty gloss to your eyes
And you truly are alone walking these
Halls every night with heavy steps
like a ghost.
Wife wife wife now daughter.
I won’t let you but i do pity you.
For the first time
In your life.
You have flitted from women to women
Mother
Wife
Wife
Wife
Like a a butterfly.
Now shells of sugarworms line the edges
Of the rooms you live in.
All sad songs bring the salty gloss to your eyes
And you truly are alone walking these
Halls every night with heavy steps
like a ghost.
Wife wife wife now daughter.
I won’t let you but i do pity you.
There’s a lump behind my ear.
Aching and aching, quietly
I wonder if it’s worth checking
Immediately I worry. I make
the appointment,
feeling sorry for myself.
Worries stack up
ills and wrongdoings I have
neglectfully done to my body.
It keeps me alive, I should’ve
given thanks rather than
skip eating and water
at mornings, which stretch onto
evenings and later still
as I don’t go to sleep.
I worry.
All day long I take the pressure
on my shoulders as the obvious
of course! Of course it’s there
at night it’s a different wear, I slump
in bed and pretend I don’t care.
At this hour no one else is awake,
No one to scold me. No responsibility
Which no one told me was gonna hold me
down with crushing weight, my fate
resting on my shoulders. Not sure
If Atlas cried but I sure did.
Aching and aching, quietly
I wonder if it’s worth checking
Immediately I worry. I make
the appointment,
feeling sorry for myself.
Worries stack up
ills and wrongdoings I have
neglectfully done to my body.
It keeps me alive, I should’ve
given thanks rather than
skip eating and water
at mornings, which stretch onto
evenings and later still
as I don’t go to sleep.
I worry.
All day long I take the pressure
on my shoulders as the obvious
of course! Of course it’s there
at night it’s a different wear, I slump
in bed and pretend I don’t care.
At this hour no one else is awake,
No one to scold me. No responsibility
Which no one told me was gonna hold me
down with crushing weight, my fate
resting on my shoulders. Not sure
If Atlas cried but I sure did.
PMS, right? god but it’s not
it’s always it’s time. i’m a girl, i don’t i don’t
want to be here again. this isn’t rebelling.
crying, happy, miserable, mirror, sexy.
why would you discard this? i’d pull. i’d
pull and ah, a minute. we all have mental
diseases, diseases. easy, easy. pretty
tears? pretty sobs, that’s not what i want
to do. no, no, get help feedback share.
diseases, i’m easy. no i’m not i could be
if i put myself out there. i’d pull my leg
my leg isn’t working. this is my year. i’m
gonna be working and working on myself
and nothing is. i’m… but i won’t say it.
many, many things. shoreline, deep breaths
shallow ground. hard to bury. shallow breaths
deep underground, buried. girl, woman
mirror tired pretty pretty tears always
am i? tired, bury, bury this. i can’t sing
that’s the thing. liars liars pretty faces
fuck off.
it’s always it’s time. i’m a girl, i don’t i don’t
want to be here again. this isn’t rebelling.
crying, happy, miserable, mirror, sexy.
why would you discard this? i’d pull. i’d
pull and ah, a minute. we all have mental
diseases, diseases. easy, easy. pretty
tears? pretty sobs, that’s not what i want
to do. no, no, get help feedback share.
diseases, i’m easy. no i’m not i could be
if i put myself out there. i’d pull my leg
my leg isn’t working. this is my year. i’m
gonna be working and working on myself
and nothing is. i’m… but i won’t say it.
many, many things. shoreline, deep breaths
shallow ground. hard to bury. shallow breaths
deep underground, buried. girl, woman
mirror tired pretty pretty tears always
am i? tired, bury, bury this. i can’t sing
that’s the thing. liars liars pretty faces
fuck off.